Hey guys,
I think it's been a good year since I last wrote in this blog. So much has changed that I can't even begin to quantify it.
So what I will talk about is this - when I read my last blogpost, I see someone young but so certain. So certain that the way she is, is the right way and the way she will continue to be.
And then she moved away from home.
And that's when I realised that who I thought I was as an individual, was actually a culmination of everything I had built around me over the last two decades at home. My family, my friends, my job, my city. My identity was intertwined with these things. I was safe as long as I had these things, because I had let myself be defined by them.
When I left these things behind, I didn't really know who I was. I didn't really know what to hold onto, except for the one Dream I was chasing that had led me overseas in the first place.
I realised that back home, my sense of self-worth was externally derived. I didn't deal with my problems in life - I let my friends and family deal with them. I didn't support myself, my friends and family did. So reliant had I grown on external validation, that when I had to start life on my own, I didn't know where to begin. How would I inspire myself, support myself, love myself - when I couldn't see this around me?
#1 - So the first thing I realised was that I had been living in a bubble of artificial self-confidence for much of my life - a bubble sustained by external validation more so than genuine internal appreciation.
#2 - Secondly, in the absence of home and everyone I knew and loved, I realised that I was a vastly different individual to who I thought I naturally was. I had been brought up a certain way, or I had been indoctrinated by certain ways of thinking that suddenly it seemed like my values and beliefs were changing - when in fact, they were simply emerging uncoloured and untinted for the first time.
When I started this blog, I thought there was an endpoint I was striving towards. A perfect person I would strive to be and one day I would look in the mirror and that person would be staring back at me and that would be that.
But the reality is, you, me, we're more complex than that. Chasing after self-perfection is like chasing after a rainbow. This is an iterative journey and it won't end. The deeper we dive into finding out who we really are and what we really want out of life, the more layers will emerge. The concept of 'I' is multi-faceted.
I talked a year back about leaving your comfort zone - I know now that what we are really leaving behind when we do that, is the illusionary sense of security we have built for ourselves. We attach our identity to that which is around us, because we are scared to know what is really within us and who we really are, and what we really want.
So let go of yourself - let go of your labels and leave your comfort zone. Because they don't mean a thing - move into life with a blank slate every morning, ready to accept what you discover about yourself. Who are you really, when you strip away the noise of society, the colourings of your upbringing, the safety of your friends, your job, your achievements?
That's what I'm trying to figure out now - and it has impacted my choices in life, my attitude, my character and my outlook. My aim is to learn to build an inner strength and sense of self-belief that is not derived from others, but from myself. And that will largely involve accepting myself for who I am without expecting myself to be a certain way because of what others expect of me.
Here's what I can share has helped me along the process:
#1 - Spend time with yourself everyday, doing something you love or even just meditating. Get to know yourself
#2 - When you come across a problem, don't run to your family or friends immediately. Ask yourself what you want first - and be brutally honest.
#3 - Learn to be your own support system - for me, meditation, exercise and affirmations helped to build a sense of inner-strength and positivity. What methods can you use to be your own cheerleader?
The amazing thing about leaving your comfort zone and finding your 'new' self one piece at a time, is that some pieces of the old you fall away (which is scary) - but some pieces remain. And it's those pieces you hold onto. I realised for instance that I wasn't so strongly attached to a certain religion. And I also realised that my passion for my Dreams had only grown stronger through thick and thin, and this became my pillar of Faith and strength throughout this process of self-regeneration. This passion is my 'religion' now, an internally driven motivator - so it's one I want to strengthen further to be more self-sufficient and to be more strong within myself.
I'm not sure if this is even quite making sense, but as always, I would love to hear your thoughts. How has your perception of your self changed over time, and what new things are you discovering about yourself as you venture out of your comfort zone? <3.
Til next time!
Love,
A. x
I think it's been a good year since I last wrote in this blog. So much has changed that I can't even begin to quantify it.
So what I will talk about is this - when I read my last blogpost, I see someone young but so certain. So certain that the way she is, is the right way and the way she will continue to be.
And then she moved away from home.
And that's when I realised that who I thought I was as an individual, was actually a culmination of everything I had built around me over the last two decades at home. My family, my friends, my job, my city. My identity was intertwined with these things. I was safe as long as I had these things, because I had let myself be defined by them.
When I left these things behind, I didn't really know who I was. I didn't really know what to hold onto, except for the one Dream I was chasing that had led me overseas in the first place.
I realised that back home, my sense of self-worth was externally derived. I didn't deal with my problems in life - I let my friends and family deal with them. I didn't support myself, my friends and family did. So reliant had I grown on external validation, that when I had to start life on my own, I didn't know where to begin. How would I inspire myself, support myself, love myself - when I couldn't see this around me?
#1 - So the first thing I realised was that I had been living in a bubble of artificial self-confidence for much of my life - a bubble sustained by external validation more so than genuine internal appreciation.
#2 - Secondly, in the absence of home and everyone I knew and loved, I realised that I was a vastly different individual to who I thought I naturally was. I had been brought up a certain way, or I had been indoctrinated by certain ways of thinking that suddenly it seemed like my values and beliefs were changing - when in fact, they were simply emerging uncoloured and untinted for the first time.
When I started this blog, I thought there was an endpoint I was striving towards. A perfect person I would strive to be and one day I would look in the mirror and that person would be staring back at me and that would be that.
But the reality is, you, me, we're more complex than that. Chasing after self-perfection is like chasing after a rainbow. This is an iterative journey and it won't end. The deeper we dive into finding out who we really are and what we really want out of life, the more layers will emerge. The concept of 'I' is multi-faceted.
I talked a year back about leaving your comfort zone - I know now that what we are really leaving behind when we do that, is the illusionary sense of security we have built for ourselves. We attach our identity to that which is around us, because we are scared to know what is really within us and who we really are, and what we really want.
So let go of yourself - let go of your labels and leave your comfort zone. Because they don't mean a thing - move into life with a blank slate every morning, ready to accept what you discover about yourself. Who are you really, when you strip away the noise of society, the colourings of your upbringing, the safety of your friends, your job, your achievements?
ThoughtQuestions.com
That's what I'm trying to figure out now - and it has impacted my choices in life, my attitude, my character and my outlook. My aim is to learn to build an inner strength and sense of self-belief that is not derived from others, but from myself. And that will largely involve accepting myself for who I am without expecting myself to be a certain way because of what others expect of me.
Here's what I can share has helped me along the process:
#1 - Spend time with yourself everyday, doing something you love or even just meditating. Get to know yourself
#2 - When you come across a problem, don't run to your family or friends immediately. Ask yourself what you want first - and be brutally honest.
#3 - Learn to be your own support system - for me, meditation, exercise and affirmations helped to build a sense of inner-strength and positivity. What methods can you use to be your own cheerleader?
The amazing thing about leaving your comfort zone and finding your 'new' self one piece at a time, is that some pieces of the old you fall away (which is scary) - but some pieces remain. And it's those pieces you hold onto. I realised for instance that I wasn't so strongly attached to a certain religion. And I also realised that my passion for my Dreams had only grown stronger through thick and thin, and this became my pillar of Faith and strength throughout this process of self-regeneration. This passion is my 'religion' now, an internally driven motivator - so it's one I want to strengthen further to be more self-sufficient and to be more strong within myself.
I'm not sure if this is even quite making sense, but as always, I would love to hear your thoughts. How has your perception of your self changed over time, and what new things are you discovering about yourself as you venture out of your comfort zone? <3.
Til next time!
Love,
A. x
"Chasing after self-perfection is like chasing after a rainbow. This is an iterative journey and it won't end."
ReplyDeleteIt's so true... I guess you have to take it in steps, because if you strive for that ultimate perfection straight away, and then fall short it can be really demoralising.
It can be a long and arduous journey taking things one step at a time, and then landing them. And then sustaining them. But it's awesome when you can look back and reflect, and see that you have actually made progress! =P
I really enjoy reading your blog posts! I hope they continue (even if they aren't as regular as before...)
Your comments have totally encouraged me Ravs you're the best! I'll def keep writing. xx
ReplyDelete