REFLECTIONS

Hey guys!

Hope you've had a really special day.

Did you know what Benjamin Franklin used to do every single day?

He used to sit down every night, and reflect on how his day went. To quote one of my all-time favourite books, The Monk who Sold His Ferrari -

  "He would consider all of his actions and whether they were positive and constructive or whether they were of the negative sort, in need of repair.

By clearly knowing what he was doing wrong in his days, he could take immediate steps to improve and advance along the path of self-mastery."

That's totally him introspecting.

http://www.turner.com

Da-yum.

I read this book a year ago, and I skimmed over this paragraph. So many days later, this concept has slowly re-emerged from the depths of my sub-conscious to nag at me, and I decided this morning that I would listen to the 'nagger' - i.e., every night, I would sit down and take 10 minutes to reflect on my day.

Funnily enough, the moment I made this decision in the morning, a friend of mine suggested practising 'introspection' at a youth group meeting in the afternoon. Coincidence? I think not!

Anyway, here's why this topic has slowly emerged again in my mind: in this first month of 2013, I have learnt bucketloads. I have made a crapload of mistakes - epic goof-ups to minor annoying things. But each time this has happened, after a couple of days of fretting and sulking, I've learnt something epic about myself or about Life.

Stuff I've learnt So Far:

* Not to go against my gut instinct, to make a decision that will make the people around me happy, at the expense of what I know I want to do - because in the end, the emotional torture of going against my gut is SO not worth it.
* Always go in prepared when meeting with people regarding my career or passions (a.ka. 'networking')
* Don't completely over-react and totally lose my cool when my Mum says the tiniest annoying things (still working on this one)
* Don't sleep any later than 12 am, because nothing I say makes any sense the next day.
* Never EVER skip meals. You won't like me when I'm hungry.
* Get a grip and stop committing to everything out of excitement. Calm down and think it through!

So the first month of 2013 has been eventful to say the least.

By the third week I was thinking: "I make SO many mistakes, so many epic gaffes, and I learn so much from them, that I need to write this down somewhere".

I put that off for a week as usual, and then things slowly started to fall into place.

You know how all it takes sometimes, is awareness, and that is enough to change you and your circumstances? It's like sometimes, I act like an absolute tool and I have no idea, but the moment I become aware of it, I not only gain the power to stop, I subconsciously begin the process of stopping and improving.

I started realising over the last week, that if I'm not keeping track of how I think and act every day, how will I ever improve? How will I ever become aware of the things I need to work on? How will I know where/what  I need to change?

This quote has awesomely summarised this entire post into 3 sentences (approximately):

HINDSIGHT

"Without this ability, we cannot learn from our mistakes. We cannot clean up the wreckage of our actions. We are locked into a cycle of repeating the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. This is commonly known as the definition of

INSANITY."

BARBARA S. COLE, The Gifts of Sobriety

 
Ah-huh. Insanity sounds about right.

So I'm really excited about this addition to my daily routine guys! I feel like I can get so much value from it, which is why I'm harping on about it here.

I want to know what makes me tick, what changes my mood, what makes me act the way I act.

I want to do something like this, every night:

And so on. This is a simplistic example, but you get the drift.

Introspection and Reflection is not only going to help me improve, it's really quite therapeutic to kind of just blurt your day out onto paper, learn from the mistakes, and put the whole day behind you so you can start the next one fresh, bright and wiser.

Seeing things on paper also really helps to cement an idea into my mind. I'm a very visual person, things have more impact on me if I see them or visualise them, than if I'm told something. Apparently writing things down also signals to your subconscious that you mean really do business and makes an idea 'stick'.

So here goes! Wish me luck, and as always, let me know what you think! I'm sure my 'findings' from daily introspection will make their way into a future blogpost at some point...

So,

Til' then!

Peace & Love,
A.

Acknowledging One's Awesomeness.

Hey guys!

I have heaps to say because I've learnt loads about myself this past week, but let me start with this:

How do you react to compliments?

If you're anything like me, your face kinda twitches, you squirm a little bit, and you DEFLECT like anything. It goes something like this:

Complimenter: "Oh you look nice today!"
Me: "....I...ah-huh..yep thanks" *face twitch* "So the weather these days right?? What is like up with that?"

http://imgfave.com

I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I think the way someone responds to a compliment says a lot about them.

I started picking up on my weird reaction to compliments a lot over the last couple of weeks, and then I started digging deep and noticing something else. If someone, even it if were a close friend, were to mention something I have achieved, I would DEFLECT straight away. I would completely downplay it, be a little awkward, and then change the topic.

And you know what, I told myself this was okay the first couple of times I noticed it. I was being humble and self-deprecating and charming right?

Mmmm not really. Now that I think about it, this is not a good thing.

And when I started asking myself why I acted this way, several things popped up:

1. I am afraid to appear successful in front of others.
2. I think that accepting my achievements in front of others is a form of cockiness, so I go the other way and completely devalue what I have done/achieved.
3. I sometimes don't enjoy having the spotlight on me, so I turn it away as soon as I can.

I can understand where the second two reasons come from - to an extent, I think it comes from society telling us to be superficially self-deprecating when we interact with others, to appear humble by spilling out a couple of seemingly modest statements. You know how it goes:

"You look great! That dress is gooorgeous!"
"No this old thing? It's practically an antique. You're the one who looks amazing!"
"Oh tosh! Don't be silly, I look like a bag"

I'm not even going to try to deconstruct what really exists underneath the surface of such conversations.

So I'll move on to Reason # 1 - which I find a bit unsettling. I want to know why I am afraid of appearing successful.

It could be because I think that it will repel people away from me. This reminds me of (part of) a beautiful quote:

“There is NOTHING enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to SHINE, as children do.”
― Marianne Williamson

Even as I'm writing this, my mind is screaming: "STOP! You sound like an arrogant prick, no-one is going to read this from now on".

But what is so damn wrong about OWNING your achievements in front of others? What is so wrong with a big smile and a "THANK YOU", when someone compliments you?

That other person is seeing the good in you, sometimes the good that even you can't see. Why be ashamed of what you have, and what you are? Why not acknowledge all that you have achieved? God knows you worked hard for it!

And I know that people think it can be easy to move from being proud and owning one's achievements, to being boastful and conceited. I don't think it is. I think a truly secure and self-confident individual will acknowledge and own her achievements and her good traits in a way that empowers the people around her, rather than belittling them or making them feel insecure.

It is only when you are lacking in self-confidence, that you try to over-compensate and over-indulge in a compliment or in flattery, and that's what comes across as egotistical. I'll write more on this in another post for sure.

But coming back to this post, here is my conclusion - I find it easy to genuinely compliment and praise the people around me on their achievements. Why should it be so hard for me to accept the same?

Acknowledging all the things you love about yourself in a public domain, is like affirming to your subconscious: "Yeah see? I really do believe you are awesome".

I tried this one time and this is how it went:

Complimenter: "You are going to do so well in that course"
Me: "Oh haha I don't know about that" *Sending signals to my subconscious that I don't believe in myself*
Me 2-seconds later: "Actually, you know what, I think I will do well. I'm really passionate about this, so I know I'll give it my best shot."

How did I feel after that? Awesome! It was like an invisible fist-pump to myself.
How did Complimenter feel after that? Awesome! I wasn't being conceited, I was acknowledging that I believed her compliment and I appreciated it.

Guys, seriously, I know this all sounds a bit wacko, but there is another amazing quote I want to share with you:

When you undervalue what you DO, the world will undervalue who you ARE.”
― Oprah Winfrey

So OWN your awesomeness, in a liberated and totally YOU way. If someone says you look hot, give them a massive smile and just say thank you! Show that you value that they noticed something special about you. And even throw a genuine compliment back their way. If someone congratulates you or praises you on an amazing achievement, accept it, acknowledge it and thank them with sincerity and warmth.

And if you really do have an insecurity about something someone has complimented you on, why not just be honest? When people used to compliment me on my singing, I would react by violently shaking my head. I'm now learning to respond with: "I am a pretty good singer, but I doubt it sometimes because I am not as trained as others are". Usually what results, is an honest response from the other person, and a real and straight-forward conversation.

And what about the other way around - if you go a bit overboard and come off more intense and proud than you intended? Who cares! Forgive yourself, take note, and try again. But don't put yourself down, don't undervalue who you are and what you have done in front of others. No-one is gaining anything from that. I realise that now.

We have a right to be everything we have ever wanted to be. We have a right to feel secure within ourselves, and to be proud of who we are and what we have accomplished. And there is NOTHING egotistical about that.

http://womenonthefence.com

What do you guys think? As always leave comments, I love reading them and I love the conversations they start!

Til' next time,

Peace & Love!

A.

More than just a word - THE SEQUEL.

Hey guys,

Hope your first two weeks of 2013 have already shown you glimpses of everything you can be!

As for me, I'm re-visiting a couple of old resolutions, starting with the one about keeping my word - http://j2self.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/more-than-just-word.html

I'm the type of person who takes FOREVER to really understand something, but once I do, it changes me. And today I realised that I still have a way to go before I become my 'Ideal Self', in the 'commitment' department.

Commitment as in - I still give my word very freely and very easily, just to see other people light up and look happy at that moment. And at times, I still don't hold true to what I have promised.

Don't get me wrong, the 'Word Bank' is coming in SO useful, and I'm really chuffed at myself for sticking to my word at least 60% of the time, as opposed to the previous 30%. It's increased my confidence in myself and I feel like I'm becoming the sort of credible, reliable person I know I can be.

But today I think I uncovered something new about myself - I think I have an aversion to commitment (!). I'm literally figuring this out as I'm writing this, so this should be fun:

I find that I give my word to being involved with something, but the fact that I have locked myself down to a commitment scares me; furthermore, I make up all sorts of excuses to try to validate to myself why I shouldn't uphold a promise - why it's okay to break a commitment, just this once.

For instance, I tell someone I will come to an event, and in the 2 hours leading up to the event, my mind goes on overdrive, trying to convince me that I won't compromise my credibility if I don't go.

Another example - I commit to taking part in a production or a play, initially overcome by excitement. Then I start making excuses within my own head, to get out of becoming 'too involved' in it.

I am so strange!

So here I go, psycho-analysing myself again. Why do I act like this?

Time for some good old self-reflection.

Photo courtesy: PixelCurse.

http://pixelcurse.com/photography/40-interesting-wonderfully-creative-self-portraits

Potential reason #1:

I'm lazy.

Very possible. I can be shockingly lethargic at times.

And you know how in cartoons, the protaganist always has this evil dude sitting on one of her shoulders, and another goodie two-shoes angel on the other shoulder? Maybe when I try to stick to my word and really do everything possible to commit to something and carry it out, 'Evil Dude' is like: "Man, who cares, just leave it. It's not a big deal".

http://doorwayproject.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/the-bad-samaritan/

 

Yeah possible. Sometimes when we try to implement new habits, its our old pre-conditioned mindset that stands in the way, and it can be really hard to overcome that. Maybe that's what I'm dealing with now.

Potential reason #2:

Commitment freaks me out - why?

I guess as a person, I hate being held down within the confines of something. I don't like rules that say: "You can't do this" or "Please do not". I don't like feeling restricted. This can be a good thing, but it's also something I need to learn to rein in, especially in situations like this. 

Maybe in a sense, I perceive commitment to be a 'restriction'? It does mean I MUST abide by a certain course of action, and not another - so maybe I feel limited when I commit to something and actually have to carry through, with no other option.

</END ANALYSIS/>

It's probably a mixture of both of these reasons.

And the reason I'm bringing this up today, is because I thought all was well and good - my Word Bank was working most of the time, and I was making awesome progress. But the truth is, I thought I was doing great at a very high-level, without really reflecting at a deeper level.

Let me re-phrase - this whole thing, of trying to wrangle my way out of things AFTER I have committed, I never ever realised I did that before, until today. Until today, it was a sub-concious part of me, a pre-conditioned behaviour, and I was completely oblivious to it!

And now that I can see it consciously, I'm so surprised and so annoyed at myself.

So how am I going to fix it?

 

http://economistmom.com/wordpress

Well, let's AUDIT the Word Bank process first:

* Clearly I am not recording every commitment I make in the Word Bank once it happens. I went and had a look through and noticed that the bigger commitments I made never made it in (!). How strange. If I saw a commitment on paper, I would definitely feel more determined to stick to it, so I need to become more aware of when I am making a commitment to someone, and immediately input this into the Word Bank.
* I am also not checking my Word Bank frequently enough, so I need to make this a daily habit.

So that's that.

But what about the bigger issues at play here? Because something else has just occured to me - do I dislike commitments because some part of me thinks I will not be able to meet the expectations of the people I have committed to?

If so, then, between pure laziness/self-sabotage, a general dislike for confines and rules, and a tiny residual lack of confidence in my ability to fulfil a promise - I've got my work cut out for me in this department!

So having acknowledged that I've taken the first few steps, I need to plot out my next steps.

And here they are:
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http://riverwoodschurch.com 

1. Be alert and aware of whenever I am about to give my word/make a commitment.

2. Stop right there, and consider whether:
a) I genuinely want to do this
b) I am willing to do this
c) I am ready to do this, no matter what

3. Make the commitment

4. Record it in my Word Bank there and then, no matter how many weird looks I get.

5. Ensure I carry through. If I notice myself making up excuses, or trying to 'wrangle out', here is the one question that will get me through:

"What would Ideal Me do?"

This is the question I asked today, that brought on this realisation. It is SO effective and powerful. All the excuses, the lies I tell myself, everything slips away, when I ask myself that question. Check it - http://j2self.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/hey-guys-hope-you-are-having-beautiful.html


So there we have it - Revised Action Plan Number 2, for 'Keeping my Word'.

And as I'm writing this, I can hear a voice asking me: "Is it worth it?".

I had to pause for a minute, but the answer is a very strong 'YES'.

Because 'Ideal Me' is the sort of person whose word is so credible, so precious and so powerful, that once given, it creates lasting change. I want to be a person of integrity, steadfast character and convictions, and inner strength. And this is going to get me there.

http://charactercountsatvalleyfield.blogspot.com.au/2010/05/how-to-be-person-with-integrity.html 

Hear that Evil Dude? That's right.

As always, I would love to hear what you think and what your experience is - it not only makes for awesome conversation, but it also helps in providing perspective.

Til' next time!

Love & Peace,
A.

Me, Myself...and 'Ideal Me'.

Hey guys,

Hope you are having a beautiful day!

I was talking to someone the other day, about perfectionism. I told them I thought there wasn't such thing as being 'perfect', but to me, being perfect was about being the 'Best Me'.

The Best Me.

I love that phrase!

A few years ago, I took out a pen and paper and drew an image of myself - my 'Ideal Self'. I drew everything I had, what I looked like, and even carefully designed the expression on my face. I labelled the image 'My Ideal Self', and then I hid it under a mound of books on my desk and I forgot about that drawing.

But the image implanted itself into my mind, and I was fascinated by it. I had created a vision of the 'Best Me' and I was intrigued.

Fast-forward a few years. You guys know I like reflecting on myself and my Life. Last week, as I did this, a thought struck me, and I ran over to my desk and rummaged around for that picture. I took it out, and my jaw almost dropped.

I was turning into her.

And then I realised, ever since I had clearly drawn out the person I wanted to be, I had subconsciously started to work towards it. It's kinda like how they say you should always write down your goals on paper, because that makes them more concrete, and it signals to yourself and the world that you're serious. Maybe that's what happened.

Whatever it was, ever since I drew that picture, I realised I had carried with me that image of my 'Ideal Self' in my mind and heart, and she was popping up here and there throughout my life. I had started asking myself, without even noticing, - "what would Ideal Me do?". I channelled that 'Ideal Me' concept to boost my confidence, to handle difficult situations, and to give tasks my best shot.

And over time, I have come closer to becoming that person. Will I ever be that person 100%? Actually yeah, I will. If anyone ever tells you that you can't be everything you want to be, they're wrong. So I believe that every one of us can be our 'Ideal Selves'.

I have so much respect for this concept - so if you have 5 minutes, which surely you do, try it! Write a list, or draw up a flowchart, or paint a picture, whatever comes naturally. But answer this question to yourself - if you could be EVERYTHING you want to be, who would you be?

http://www.google.com.au/imgres?um=1&hl=en&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=634&tbm=isch&tbnid=0ZszpCME-wA7OM:&imgrefurl=http://www.lorinbellerblake.com/2012/05/17/who-do-you-want-to-be/&docid=7puYGcuf_elB9M&imgurl=http://www.lorinbellerblake.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/choose_who_you_want_to_be.jpg&w=498&h=350&ei=3FjpUInlLcXCkQXdn4CYBg&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=135&sig=114038890772951599002&page=2&tbnh=113&tbnw=152&start=20&ndsp=29&ved=1t:429,r:35,s:0,i:195&tx=127&ty=60

Would you be a bold, sassy environmentalist campaigning across the world? Or would you be an elegant, self-confident entrepreneur raking in a 6-figure salary?

How would 'Ideal You' handle situations? How would she/he speak, look, behave, act? Would she smile a lot? Would her voice project across the room? Think it all through. Even without you knowing, your mind will seize upon that image.

So that when you have to make that freaky phone call to deliver bad news to a client, or next time you have to stand up and give an impromptu introduction to a room full of strangers, you can tell yourself - I'm going to handle this as my Ideal Self would. And just watch, you'll ace it.

Our mind is intensely powerful - whatever you tell it, it will believe you. I've learnt this the hard way. So show your mind the way - show it what you want to be and what you want to strive for, and if you're diligent with conditioning it to be a positive and inspiring tool, then you're set. There is nothing more powerful than having your mind aligned with You and your Goals.

I believe Life is about us becoming everything we can possibly be. This is our first step in a long and amazing voyage - closing the gap between the 'You now' and the 'Ideal You'. Going from 'Me + Baggage' --> 'Just Me' ---> 'Ideal Me'.

So do give it a shot, create a concrete image of your Ideal, and start seeing yourself change - because seriously, what could be more  PERFECT than YOU, in all your glory? :)

http://www.google.com.au/imgres?hl=en&tbo=d&biw=1280&bih=634&tbm=isch&tbnid=wYz6bNZNkpx-MM:&imgrefurl=http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5598/5-Steps-to-Conquer-SelfDeprecation.html&docid=tovWCfS-WQvMNM&imgurl=http://res.mindbodygreen.com/img/ftr/you-are-perfect-sara.jpg&w=896&h=598&ei=1VfpUPnvJcbikgXZuIDYCA&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=762&vpy=278&dur=2969&hovh=183&hovw=275&tx=118&ty=19&sig=114038890772951599002&page=1&tbnh=136&tbnw=227&start=0&ndsp=16&ved=1t:429,r:14,s:0,i:127

Til' next time,

Peace and Love!
A.