Sunday 25 November 2012

Is the BoogieMan ruling your Life?

Hey guys,

I hope you've been having an amazing day!

I thought I would write about one of my favourite topics today - FEAR.



It's nice to stop once in a while, and turn back, to see how far you've come. On the eve of the 31st of December 2010, I made a New Year's Resolution that changed me forever. I pulled out a paper and a thick pen and wrote-

I WANT TO BE FEARLESS.

That's all I did. I didn't write down how I was going to do it, because I didn't know. But I trusted that it would come to me.

Leading up to that day, I was beginning to realise how much of my Life I spent in fear. Look, I'm not saying fear is a bad thing. Rational fear is a natural bodily mechanism - you know, the voice that says, "please dont take that step off the ledge, it would hurt."

But the problem is, it's not just rational fear that fills our heads. There's the evil twin, irrational fear, in there as well. And over time, I think we forget to distinguish between the two.

In my case, irrational fear was ruling me, and my Life. I'm talking things like:

"I'm too scared to check my email for fear of what sort of emails may come through"

"I'm too scared to pick up the phone and call this person, because I don't know what will happen"

All the way up to:

"I'm too scared to go to this event alone, so I won't go at all, even though I really want to"

"I'm too scared to say yes to this opportunity, so I will let it go"
.....

And finally:

"I'm too scared to live my life the way I want, so I won't"

I think a lot of us have this issue.

It could be the way we were brought up. We live in a fear-mongering society. Just watch the evening news, and you'll want to curl up into a ball and never leave the house again.

Add to this being a girl and being told by the world from day 1 that people are out to get you, and I'm not surprised I was living in a cocoon of 'fear-paralysis'.

So what happened after I wrote down those 5 words, and stuck them to my wall?

I just started saying YES.

In early 2011, an opportunity came up at work for me to in-charge a project interstate. I was so. freaking. scared. My insides felt like glug, my chest went ice-cold. And my mind was whirring a million miles a minute:

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to find a way to get out of it. Now. Make up an excuse. Try to get out of it. Pleeeease".

Squirm. Discomfort. Panic. FEAR.

So you know what I did? I said Yes.

Right up until we went to the airport, my mind felt like it would implode with fear and my chest had that tight, cold feeling. But the moment I stepped off the plane, and the project started, I faced it, and I got through it.

Yeah, I made lots of mistakes. But  that feeling, of saying "@#$% you" to your Fear, and just getting in there and getting the job done? It was the BEST feeling ever.

And that's exactly what I did, the whole year. I just said Yes -  whenever I knew it was my irrational fear talking, I said, "thanks for your input, I'm going to go and do exactly the opposite now."

2 years later, I'm almost speechless at how much one word can change you. How much power I have within myself to rise to challenges, to face fears head on, to lead in difficult situations. And each time I have faced my fear, I have learnt to approve of myself just that little bit more.

Has weird crap happened as a result of my stepping outside of my comfort zone? For sure. From being hit on by various seedy (old) men, to almost joining the Scientology cult (by mistake) in New York, to having a taxi-driver take my money from my wallet in Hanoi and falling overboard in Ha Long Bay Vietnam, to making epic mistakes and berating myself about them endlessly, and just generally making a fool of myself.

Do I regret it? No way.

I can't stress enough how much this has changed me. Yes, it's a lot easier to say 'safe' in your comfort zone, but the rewards on the other side are truly awesome.




So now I guess I'm a risk-taker. And that actually scares me at bit.

Finding the balance between what is a rational vs irrational fear? That's something I'm still learning.

But start the process, and start it today - take a risk, a measured one, but one that makes you step outside that comfort zone, and observe how it makes you feel. Then let me know what happens :)

Til' next time,

Peace & Love!

A.
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Thursday 22 November 2012

Back to the Future

Hi guys!

I thought I'd share this really awesome technique with you - but first, a little background:

It was 9 pm on a weekday, the sky was dark, and rain was starting to pour down. I had just gotten off the train at my station, feeling a bit dark and gloomy myself. I made my way to the empty carpark and tried to start my car. No luck. 3 more times, and I was met with the same choking engine stutter. I had no clue what it was, so I called my Dad and after a few minutes of telling me off, he told me he would be there in 15 minutes.

15 minutes. It's dark and empty outside. I'm sitting inside our old red Toyota Camry, and there are droplets of rain silently streaming past my window.

Being the restless person I am, I decided to use to the 15 minutes to do something - anything - useful. A few months ago, I can't remember where, I remembered reading about a really interesting technique - called the 'Rocking Chair Method'. Here's how it works -

You sit back, and close your eyes. You take a few deep breaths and then you visualise yourself, at 80. Lose yourself in your imagination, and convince yourself that you have aged. What would your skin feel like? What would your limbs and joints feel like? What would you look like?


 
Once you have entered that 'character' of an 80 year old you, start asking yourself - what do I wish I had done, when I was younger?

I still remember sitting in that car that day as an '80 year old', because it revealed to me some really basic, but resounding truths. And here is some of what Old Me  had to say to Young Me:

"I wish I had......"

* Been more fearless
* Not disregarded or taken anyone for granted
* Had more fun and travelled more
* Been my 'home self' around everyone
* Been less afraid of what people thought of me
* Really been there for the people I love
* Been more assertive
* Lived more in the moment
* Done more with my time
* Loved myself more
* Been more FREE. --> This one I'm still trying to get my head around.

 Pretty interesting stuff right? All of this went straight onto a paper and is now stuck to my wall. And subconcisously or conciously, I've made some progress in all of these areas this year - which is awesome.

I think what this technique does is to reinforce what we really value, and re-centre our mind to focus on the stuff that really matters.

So try it out, see what Old You has to say, and really listen. It could change the way you see things. And, it gives you a chance to act, while you still can.

And FYI - I think my battery was flat. In more ways than one. ( See what I did there?? :D )

Til' next time,

Peace and Love!

A.
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Sunday 18 November 2012

More than just a word...

Hi guys!

You know that saying - 'my word is my honour' ?

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I'm not going to lie, sometimes it's hard for me to stick to my word. I throw words around everywhere - "Yeah def, we'll meet up!", "I'll call you tonight", "I will get that done in the next 2 days, for sure".

But then I don't deliver. So I'm going to use Sakichi Toyoda's 5 Whys technique to get the root cause (I love this technique: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/5_Whys)

Why dont I deliver?

Maybe I get excited and overpromise.

Why do I overpromise?

Because I want to make other people momentarily happy. I'm trying to please them, and tell them what they want to hear.

Why do I want to please other people?

Yikes. Um.

Because it matters to me that other people approve of me.

Why?

....

Because a part of me doesn't approve of me. BANG. Root-cause.

Great, so it all comes down to self-approval and self-love again. I wonder if everything in the world comes down to that?

So why should keeping to my word matter anyway?

Maybe when someone says something, and they actually do it, it makes you double-take for a moment and go: "Damn. There are still some decent people left in the world". Maybe it builds faith and trust in the community. Some of our oldest civilisations operated on trust - maybe it all began with everyone keeping to their word?


TRUST


Maybe when one person sticks to her word, the world changes just a little bit?

So that's my new project. I've created a note on my Android called the 'Word Bank', and the moment I say something like: "We should totally meet up", or "I'll let you know how that goes", BAM! It goes in the Word Bank. And everytime I check my phone, that Note is there, reminding me of a debt I owe to keep my word.

It's been a bit challenging, because I do get excited and mushy and overpromise, but I'm biting my tongue and thinking twice before I commit to anything.

I've been doing this for the last few days now, and it is making a subtle difference. I feel more reliable,  I feel like I am living up to my own expectations of my self. But more importantly, I feel like I'm taking a big step towards becoming the person I have always wanted to be. I wonder what sort of impact it will have on my relationships?

So what do you think? How important is it that each of us sticks to our word?

Til next time,

Peace and Love!

A.
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Friday 16 November 2012

Those three words...

Yo guys,

Can you try something for me? Can you go stand in front of the mirror and tell say 'I love you?'

Why the hell is it so hard?

Now try saying it to your dog or cat. I bet it comes out a lot easier.

1-2 years ago, I struggled to look myself in the mirror and just be okay with myself.

I'm not just talking about the way I looked, because yeah I had issues with that; I'm talking about standing there and judging everything I did, the silly mistakes I had made, replaying something someone had said to me that had hurt, my failures. To the extent, that I couldn't have dreamed of saying those three words to myself.

I came to a realisation one day though, that this was the biggest thing that was affecting my ability to live freely and happily. You know what my theory is? Grown-ups (I dont consider myself one), are just big kids wanting love and attention. We all are. The big burly guy in the suit you saw this morning, talking about shares and investments? Yep, him too. Deep inside, he's still that rosy-cheeked 10 year old boy, looking for love, and fun, and little joys. It's one of those things that we all have in common. Who doesn't want to be loved?

http://www.google.com.au/imgres?um=1&hl=en&biw=1280&bih=635&tbm=isch&tbnid=eM8yE0vd3k_eTM:&imgrefurl=http://www.facebook.com/pages/Adults-are-just-kids-with-money/306011356092121&docid=RlSF6iutH032XM&imgurl=http://profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc6/276565_306011356092121_811957863_n.jpg&w=180&h=270&ei=os-mUJugN6qRigeuroHoBw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=362&sig=100015285776656540573&page=1&tbnh=138&tbnw=92&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:69&tx=59&ty=56
 
 
Okay, so we want love. Cool. Now where can we find it? Default answer - outside. In our relationships, in our friendships, heck, even in objects. But after a while, when your 'better half' starts pissing you off, and your parents are being annoying, and your iPhone breaks down, you're getting that familiar feeling again - frustration, annoyance, bitterness, all hiding a deeper emptiness.

And that's when you realise - if you don't love you, then you will never find love anywhere else.  No one will be good enough, people will continue to do all the 'wrong things', and you'll go through life feeling like something is missing.

You know what it's like? It's like a bald man selling wigs. It's ridiculous. How can you offer something to others, when you don't have it yourself? Sooner or later, something is going to come tumbling down.

So I started this simple and strange routine in the morning, where I would stand in front of the mirror in the morning and say those three words - "I love you, no matter what you do, completely and always". It was SO hard to begin with, I couldn't stop criticising. Especially because I wake up looking like an ogre in the morning. But I stuck at it for about a week, and suddenly it was easy. It was so easy to like myself, and eventually, I started saying it with feeling and enthusiasm. This is embarassing, but I give myself hugs as well. Like this guy, aaw:



And in the space of a year, I noticed that I:

* Stopped criticising myself as much
* Supported myself more when I was down
* Became non-clingy and had less expectations of others when it came to friendships
* Became a lot less irritable
* Felt lighter and happier

I became my Best Friend, and it feels awesome. It really does. I'm still working on it of course, I have my moments where I'm down on myself. But what I've noticed is that I dont let it go out of hand, I snap out quicker and bounce back faster.

So my tip for today? Become your best friend, because seriously, you're not going to leave your side. You're kinda stuck with you.

Start with those three words, once a day, and watch them change you.

Thanks for reading and til next time,

Peace and Love!

A.
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Thursday 15 November 2012

The First Ten Minutes

Do you wake up in the morning and mindlessly slip into your daily routine, feeling like a lead bag?



I know I used to. Until I picked up a life-changing book called the 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari', by Robin Sharma. More on this later, but, it was in this book that I first came across the idea of the 'first ten minutes' of the morning having a massive impact on your mindset for the entire day. Sounds dramatic right?

But it got me thinking, what do I do in the morning?

It went something like this:

6:30 am - Alarm goes off. I swear and hit 'Snooze'.
7:00 am - Alarm goes off again. I drag my body up feeling like a bag.
7:15 am - I turn on the TV to keep me company. This morning's trashy gossip news blares in the background.
7:30 am - I gulp down a thick murky coffee
to 8:00 - I continue feeling like a bag. I brush my teeth mechanically, shower, shovel food down my throat, criticise myself for 10 minutes in front of the mirror, grab my bag and run out the door.
8:15 am - I've missed my train. I'm swearing and sweaty after running to the station. I feel ROT-TEN.

And so begins another day.

Pretty crappy start right? Clearly I was doing something wrong.

So I tried this - I told myself I would wake up in the morning and meditate. This is coming from someone who had about 10 different voices in her head talking at the same time, at any one time.

But what the heck, I tried. And it was AWESOME.

1 and a half years on, I have a rad routine I go through every morning, which keeps me somewhat sane. Like I said in my first post, there are days when I wake up feeling off, and that's when the following routine comes in super-handy:

6:30 am - Wake up, saying a massive thanks to God/The Universe/whatever, for the super-awesome day ahead. Force myself to smile.
6:45 am - Meditate
7:20 am - Go upstairs, look at myself in the mirror and say 'I love you!'
7:30 am - drink half a cup of watered down coffee, followed by a cup of water and a vitamin tablet

NO TV until 8 am.

The next thing I want to do, is to add music to the 'morning mix' as well, and maybe a spot of exercise. That way, I'd wake up mentally and physically revitalised.

Long story short, it is so true. Your first 10 minutes really do shape how you feel about the rest of your day. Because my first 10 minutes are so beautiful and relaxed, I feel pretty great at least until midday, when hunger hits. But that's another story.

So that's my tip for today -

Change the way you wake up, and you will change the way you EXPERIENCE every day.

They say a habit forms over 21 days of consistency. So stick to it - because if I can, you mo-def can.

Til next time,

Peace and Love!

A.

How did this tip work for you? Leave your comments below, I would LOVE to hear from you. (If you're the first to comment, you have to click on 'No Comments')
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Wednesday 14 November 2012

Figuring Me Out


Hey guys,

Welcome to my first post!

So let me give you the low-down on what this is all about.

This morning I woke up and I felt pissed.off. You know how they say things like - woke up on the wrong side of the bed? I felt like I woke up on the wrong side of the neighbourhood.

And you know  how we usually just wave it off, one things lead to another, and before you know it, the whole day has woken up on the wrong side of the bed?

Why?

Why did I wake up feeling frustrated? And why is that okay? Why dont we question our feelings? What's going on inside this head of mine?

I'm starting this blog because over the last 5 or 6 years, I've changed. A lot. And it's because I started asking why. I started looking INSIDE for answers rather than outside. And sure enough, when I looked within, I realised there was a load of things for me to figure out. Like a massive 'IN' tray of  crap just rotting away waiting to be processed. And once you start processing, you can feel the difference in the way you act and live - you feel lighter.

It's like we're weighed down by everything that has happened to us, and we carry this weight around so that it turns us into this bitter hunched back crazy person. We let the past colour our present and our future.



So the purpose of this blog is to share with you my journey to figuring myself out and the things I do to understand myself better, and hopefully, someone somewhere can get some use out of it ;)

Peace and Love!

A.

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