More than just a word - THE SEQUEL.

Hey guys,

Hope your first two weeks of 2013 have already shown you glimpses of everything you can be!

As for me, I'm re-visiting a couple of old resolutions, starting with the one about keeping my word - http://j2self.blogspot.com.au/2012/11/more-than-just-word.html

I'm the type of person who takes FOREVER to really understand something, but once I do, it changes me. And today I realised that I still have a way to go before I become my 'Ideal Self', in the 'commitment' department.

Commitment as in - I still give my word very freely and very easily, just to see other people light up and look happy at that moment. And at times, I still don't hold true to what I have promised.

Don't get me wrong, the 'Word Bank' is coming in SO useful, and I'm really chuffed at myself for sticking to my word at least 60% of the time, as opposed to the previous 30%. It's increased my confidence in myself and I feel like I'm becoming the sort of credible, reliable person I know I can be.

But today I think I uncovered something new about myself - I think I have an aversion to commitment (!). I'm literally figuring this out as I'm writing this, so this should be fun:

I find that I give my word to being involved with something, but the fact that I have locked myself down to a commitment scares me; furthermore, I make up all sorts of excuses to try to validate to myself why I shouldn't uphold a promise - why it's okay to break a commitment, just this once.

For instance, I tell someone I will come to an event, and in the 2 hours leading up to the event, my mind goes on overdrive, trying to convince me that I won't compromise my credibility if I don't go.

Another example - I commit to taking part in a production or a play, initially overcome by excitement. Then I start making excuses within my own head, to get out of becoming 'too involved' in it.

I am so strange!

So here I go, psycho-analysing myself again. Why do I act like this?

Time for some good old self-reflection.

Photo courtesy: PixelCurse.

http://pixelcurse.com/photography/40-interesting-wonderfully-creative-self-portraits

Potential reason #1:

I'm lazy.

Very possible. I can be shockingly lethargic at times.

And you know how in cartoons, the protaganist always has this evil dude sitting on one of her shoulders, and another goodie two-shoes angel on the other shoulder? Maybe when I try to stick to my word and really do everything possible to commit to something and carry it out, 'Evil Dude' is like: "Man, who cares, just leave it. It's not a big deal".

http://doorwayproject.wordpress.com/2010/12/06/the-bad-samaritan/

 

Yeah possible. Sometimes when we try to implement new habits, its our old pre-conditioned mindset that stands in the way, and it can be really hard to overcome that. Maybe that's what I'm dealing with now.

Potential reason #2:

Commitment freaks me out - why?

I guess as a person, I hate being held down within the confines of something. I don't like rules that say: "You can't do this" or "Please do not". I don't like feeling restricted. This can be a good thing, but it's also something I need to learn to rein in, especially in situations like this. 

Maybe in a sense, I perceive commitment to be a 'restriction'? It does mean I MUST abide by a certain course of action, and not another - so maybe I feel limited when I commit to something and actually have to carry through, with no other option.

</END ANALYSIS/>

It's probably a mixture of both of these reasons.

And the reason I'm bringing this up today, is because I thought all was well and good - my Word Bank was working most of the time, and I was making awesome progress. But the truth is, I thought I was doing great at a very high-level, without really reflecting at a deeper level.

Let me re-phrase - this whole thing, of trying to wrangle my way out of things AFTER I have committed, I never ever realised I did that before, until today. Until today, it was a sub-concious part of me, a pre-conditioned behaviour, and I was completely oblivious to it!

And now that I can see it consciously, I'm so surprised and so annoyed at myself.

So how am I going to fix it?

 

http://economistmom.com/wordpress

Well, let's AUDIT the Word Bank process first:

* Clearly I am not recording every commitment I make in the Word Bank once it happens. I went and had a look through and noticed that the bigger commitments I made never made it in (!). How strange. If I saw a commitment on paper, I would definitely feel more determined to stick to it, so I need to become more aware of when I am making a commitment to someone, and immediately input this into the Word Bank.
* I am also not checking my Word Bank frequently enough, so I need to make this a daily habit.

So that's that.

But what about the bigger issues at play here? Because something else has just occured to me - do I dislike commitments because some part of me thinks I will not be able to meet the expectations of the people I have committed to?

If so, then, between pure laziness/self-sabotage, a general dislike for confines and rules, and a tiny residual lack of confidence in my ability to fulfil a promise - I've got my work cut out for me in this department!

So having acknowledged that I've taken the first few steps, I need to plot out my next steps.

And here they are:
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http://riverwoodschurch.com 

1. Be alert and aware of whenever I am about to give my word/make a commitment.

2. Stop right there, and consider whether:
a) I genuinely want to do this
b) I am willing to do this
c) I am ready to do this, no matter what

3. Make the commitment

4. Record it in my Word Bank there and then, no matter how many weird looks I get.

5. Ensure I carry through. If I notice myself making up excuses, or trying to 'wrangle out', here is the one question that will get me through:

"What would Ideal Me do?"

This is the question I asked today, that brought on this realisation. It is SO effective and powerful. All the excuses, the lies I tell myself, everything slips away, when I ask myself that question. Check it - http://j2self.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/hey-guys-hope-you-are-having-beautiful.html


So there we have it - Revised Action Plan Number 2, for 'Keeping my Word'.

And as I'm writing this, I can hear a voice asking me: "Is it worth it?".

I had to pause for a minute, but the answer is a very strong 'YES'.

Because 'Ideal Me' is the sort of person whose word is so credible, so precious and so powerful, that once given, it creates lasting change. I want to be a person of integrity, steadfast character and convictions, and inner strength. And this is going to get me there.

http://charactercountsatvalleyfield.blogspot.com.au/2010/05/how-to-be-person-with-integrity.html 

Hear that Evil Dude? That's right.

As always, I would love to hear what you think and what your experience is - it not only makes for awesome conversation, but it also helps in providing perspective.

Til' next time!

Love & Peace,
A.