Keeping this one short and sweet.
I've been experimenting the last couple of weeks, with the concept of 'small talk'.
I always used to snicker to myself when someone invited me to networking events - what's the point? I used to ask. You get 30 seconds with each person, in which you exchange pleasantries and put on an air, and then move on.
And likewise in other situations - why do I have to go downstairs and chat with this Aunty? Should I say something to the barista while she's making my coffee? But what's the point?
Well, I figured something out last year - and that was that, talking is one of the most tangible and powerful ways of connecting with other human beings.
And I was shying away from it. I only valued those 'deep-and-meaningfuls' with the people closest to me, and I treated those fleeting moments of conversation with strangers or acquaintances as a waste of time.
But slowly, I've realised that small talk, the type that comes from your heart and is direct and genuine, can really lay the foundation of building longer term friendships and relationships. If not that, at the very least it can make someone's day.
I remember walking down the street one day being really upset about something, when someone came up to me and said: "Excuse me! Do you have a spare smile that I could borrow?".
It MADE my day. And I still remember those precious few words from a stranger, that were uttered so many years ago.
Moments like that, just re-affirm that which we forget so easily sometimes - that we really are all connected, all the same, all wanting the same things, all seeking smiles and love. Moments like that, make the world a better place.
And so I've resolved to stop being so silent, so averse to small-talk, so afraid of what the other person might think or how he/she may react. You know it's crazy, we're so unaccustomed to feeling kindness or hearing caring words from a stranger, that we don't even know how to react sometimes, and that gap between us and 'everyone else' just widens.
I've been trying this out the last few months - I'll smile at someone on the street, and there is a moment of absolute surprise, followed (generally) by a warm smile back. The other day, I devoured the most delicious Turkish gozleme, and I told myself that its maker deserved to know how delicious it was. I was scared as I was walking back to the shop, because she was an older, tired-looking, no-nonsense woman. But I went up and told her anyway - "That was the most amazing gozleme I have ever had!" I squeaked. She looked at me, suprised, and then smiled shyly, as I scurried off. But I felt awesome, and I think she did too.
What I didn't realise before, is that small-talk doesn't necessarily have to be mundane - it can be sweet, and caring and even impactful. And it actually makes your day, more so than it does anybody else's. Because it reinforces the thread that runs through all of us, and that feeling is pretty special.
Since I've changed my view about little facet of life, I've found that the conversations I have, even with acquaintances, are more meaningful, and almost always cut straight through to things like: "what are we going to do with our lives?".
So I'm enjoying this! And I really want to be better at it. I want to be able to strike up a conversation in any situation, with anyone.
Because now I am convinced that any two people can have a common ground, and I'm determined to prove it.
So guys, how about this - what if we each committed to reaching out to one 'stranger' every day? Whether it be paying a receptionist a compliment while you wait to be interviewed; or getting to know your baristas; or saying 'Hi' and giving someone a big smile in the tea-room, even though you have no idea who they are.
Who knows where it could lead us.
And if you're keen to read more on this, check out Dale Carnegie's classic, 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', which has been an enduring source of inspiration for me.
As always, let me know what you think :)
Til' next time!
Peace & Love,
A.
I'm not much of a small talker either, but I loved the post :) I'll have to try it too. I like what you said about it being genuine. We really do have a great potential to uplift each other, even though we are "strangers". Thanks.
ReplyDeleteThank you Maz! This one is proving a bit of a challenge for me - like you said, Im not a small talker either but Im learning that those exchanges can be meaningful - the initial shyness is what Im struggling with a bit, so I've told myself Ill start simple and just give someone a warm smile and say 'Hi How are you', at least once a day, and see what happens! :)
Delete'Smile. It lets them know you're their friend'
ReplyDeletePay it forward A! And remember even the smallest things, makes a huge difference. as you noticed and experienced! :)
Good luck!
A well-wisher :)
Aaw thanks Anon! Like I said to Maz above, its breaking through the initial walls that Im finding a bit hard, but once I force myself to do it, its special to connect like that with someone. :)
DeleteI recently figured this one out too. I realised we have a tendency to put a wall between us and strangers...we tend to forget that they're just human, like us. We think of them as the 'other'. But as soon as you strike up normal conversation, that wall breaks.
ReplyDeleteI went to the optometrist the other day, and the lady serving me had a pretty bracelet. So I said to myself, 'well tell her, don't just think it!' So I did. And in that split second there was a brilliant transformation: she went from being a formal, polite customer service rep. to engaging with me as another human. =]
That's such a beautiful story Paridhi! I love how special a simple moment like that can be :) Sometimes I find it hard to go beyond that initial awkwardness and take the first step, but when I do, its awesome!
Delete"I think its impossible to spend as much time with the people you love and depend on, and not put up walls with each other...I guess it felt like we were all sitting in our own little house, separated by the walls that we put up between each other, realise that those walls may just be paper thin, we needed to escape, it was time to burn them down =)"
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, thank you!
Delete