Acknowledging One's Awesomeness.

Hey guys!

I have heaps to say because I've learnt loads about myself this past week, but let me start with this:

How do you react to compliments?

If you're anything like me, your face kinda twitches, you squirm a little bit, and you DEFLECT like anything. It goes something like this:

Complimenter: "Oh you look nice today!"
Me: "....I...ah-huh..yep thanks" *face twitch* "So the weather these days right?? What is like up with that?"

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I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but I think the way someone responds to a compliment says a lot about them.

I started picking up on my weird reaction to compliments a lot over the last couple of weeks, and then I started digging deep and noticing something else. If someone, even it if were a close friend, were to mention something I have achieved, I would DEFLECT straight away. I would completely downplay it, be a little awkward, and then change the topic.

And you know what, I told myself this was okay the first couple of times I noticed it. I was being humble and self-deprecating and charming right?

Mmmm not really. Now that I think about it, this is not a good thing.

And when I started asking myself why I acted this way, several things popped up:

1. I am afraid to appear successful in front of others.
2. I think that accepting my achievements in front of others is a form of cockiness, so I go the other way and completely devalue what I have done/achieved.
3. I sometimes don't enjoy having the spotlight on me, so I turn it away as soon as I can.

I can understand where the second two reasons come from - to an extent, I think it comes from society telling us to be superficially self-deprecating when we interact with others, to appear humble by spilling out a couple of seemingly modest statements. You know how it goes:

"You look great! That dress is gooorgeous!"
"No this old thing? It's practically an antique. You're the one who looks amazing!"
"Oh tosh! Don't be silly, I look like a bag"

I'm not even going to try to deconstruct what really exists underneath the surface of such conversations.

So I'll move on to Reason # 1 - which I find a bit unsettling. I want to know why I am afraid of appearing successful.

It could be because I think that it will repel people away from me. This reminds me of (part of) a beautiful quote:

“There is NOTHING enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to SHINE, as children do.”
― Marianne Williamson

Even as I'm writing this, my mind is screaming: "STOP! You sound like an arrogant prick, no-one is going to read this from now on".

But what is so damn wrong about OWNING your achievements in front of others? What is so wrong with a big smile and a "THANK YOU", when someone compliments you?

That other person is seeing the good in you, sometimes the good that even you can't see. Why be ashamed of what you have, and what you are? Why not acknowledge all that you have achieved? God knows you worked hard for it!

And I know that people think it can be easy to move from being proud and owning one's achievements, to being boastful and conceited. I don't think it is. I think a truly secure and self-confident individual will acknowledge and own her achievements and her good traits in a way that empowers the people around her, rather than belittling them or making them feel insecure.

It is only when you are lacking in self-confidence, that you try to over-compensate and over-indulge in a compliment or in flattery, and that's what comes across as egotistical. I'll write more on this in another post for sure.

But coming back to this post, here is my conclusion - I find it easy to genuinely compliment and praise the people around me on their achievements. Why should it be so hard for me to accept the same?

Acknowledging all the things you love about yourself in a public domain, is like affirming to your subconscious: "Yeah see? I really do believe you are awesome".

I tried this one time and this is how it went:

Complimenter: "You are going to do so well in that course"
Me: "Oh haha I don't know about that" *Sending signals to my subconscious that I don't believe in myself*
Me 2-seconds later: "Actually, you know what, I think I will do well. I'm really passionate about this, so I know I'll give it my best shot."

How did I feel after that? Awesome! It was like an invisible fist-pump to myself.
How did Complimenter feel after that? Awesome! I wasn't being conceited, I was acknowledging that I believed her compliment and I appreciated it.

Guys, seriously, I know this all sounds a bit wacko, but there is another amazing quote I want to share with you:

When you undervalue what you DO, the world will undervalue who you ARE.”
― Oprah Winfrey

So OWN your awesomeness, in a liberated and totally YOU way. If someone says you look hot, give them a massive smile and just say thank you! Show that you value that they noticed something special about you. And even throw a genuine compliment back their way. If someone congratulates you or praises you on an amazing achievement, accept it, acknowledge it and thank them with sincerity and warmth.

And if you really do have an insecurity about something someone has complimented you on, why not just be honest? When people used to compliment me on my singing, I would react by violently shaking my head. I'm now learning to respond with: "I am a pretty good singer, but I doubt it sometimes because I am not as trained as others are". Usually what results, is an honest response from the other person, and a real and straight-forward conversation.

And what about the other way around - if you go a bit overboard and come off more intense and proud than you intended? Who cares! Forgive yourself, take note, and try again. But don't put yourself down, don't undervalue who you are and what you have done in front of others. No-one is gaining anything from that. I realise that now.

We have a right to be everything we have ever wanted to be. We have a right to feel secure within ourselves, and to be proud of who we are and what we have accomplished. And there is NOTHING egotistical about that.

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What do you guys think? As always leave comments, I love reading them and I love the conversations they start!

Til' next time,

Peace & Love!

A.